Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
