after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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