i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
