Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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