Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
