i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
