...so i touched it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
