i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize