It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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