what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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