another moral hangover. fuck.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
