Your tits are I can't wait for
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
