Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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