I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize