Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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