I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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