this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont even know how to be here
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
