drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize