She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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