I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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