There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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