the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
