so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
