ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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