He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
