smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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