i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize