Umm I'm too high to move.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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