I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
