Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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