so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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