3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
jump out the window naked night went bad
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
