I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
