***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
