Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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