Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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