My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I currently don't understand fingers.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
