I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
