the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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