Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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