His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
