it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
