talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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