I take back everything I said about communal showers
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
