She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
