So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
