Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
