she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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