??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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