The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
