I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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