I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we made out on top of his cat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
