I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You need a sexual gate keeper
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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