atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
