how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
