you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
