My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
