I hate all girls vehemently.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
