A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize