just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
