shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
