this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
