you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
