i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
