So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
