and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
