I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
