We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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