so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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