Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize