this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
