Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
