dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
