He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
