You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
