Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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