remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
