I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
