is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
