I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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