You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
