Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
