I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
