the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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