Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
