I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize