Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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