Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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