Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
