Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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