shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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