can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
