when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
