well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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